In this week’s Parashat Vayishlach, we read about the long-anticipated and anxiety inducing reunion between Jacob and Esau. The opening words of this week read, “and Jacob sent messengers before him…” Through a spiritual lens, the Hasidic master Noam Elimelech interprets these “sent messengers” as conceptual in nature representing speech, words, and expression of the deepest murmurings of Jacob’s heart. On the eve of this epic encounter, how can these two brothers possibly understand one another? How can Jacob adequately express himself and simultaneously allow for the space, embrace, and acceptance of Esau’s experience over these years? What can be done in this moment and how can words, gestures, gifts, or apologies begin to rectify and heal their rift? 

We so often get lost in our own worlds and limited perspective of our own experiences; we are unable to truly appreciate how we impact and influence others and the world around us. Words are the best tools we have to articulate this mystery, and even words are inherently limited in engaging in that shared exploration. Mitch Chefitz zt”l, a dear friend and mentor of mine, has a beautiful story in his book White Fire exploring the “angels” we are constantly creating through interactions with one another. In the story Jacob’s Angels, he writes:  

“And there was . . . there is,” I corrected, “an angel between me and my sister. I remember my mother sitting us down side by side on the sofa when we were misbehaving. She pointed a finger at my sister and said she was okay, just fine, and then a finger at me. I was okay, just fine, too. Then she pointed a finger between us and said, ‘But you!’ – meaning the relationship between us – ‘But you need a lot of work!’ The angel between us was misbehaving. We weren’t taking care of it properly. We do better now.” 

May we all deepen our awareness of the angels—the messengers we create, send, and receive, approaching one another with kindness, acceptance, and openness while appreciating our inherent limitations at conveying the depths of our hearts and experiences. 

How might we listen more deeply to others to hear beyond words?