Base Midrash: Community Cares – Visiting the Sick & Accompanying the Dead (Bikur Cholim & Leviat HaMeit)
Tips for text study:
-Read each text out loud.
-Before you start asking questions, make sure you understand the basics of what you read. Try to summarize it in your own words.
-What stands out to you from the text? Surprises you? Challenges you? What associations does it spark?
-The questions after each source are offerings – engage with them if they are generative, skip them if not!
-Don’t hesitate to ask for support! R’ Frankie and Elaina are here to help.
Visiting the Sick – Bikur Cholim
Question to Consider:
- Have you gotten to do this mitzvah? Have you been on the receiving end? What was it like? Dos & don’ts?
- According to each text, why is this mitzvah important? What are the values that guide how to practice this mitzvah? What does it look like to actually do this mitzvah?
- If you were writing the mitzvah, what would you add/change?
Babylonian Talmud, Nedarim 40a, 2th-7th c.
אָמַר רַבִּי אַחָא בַּר חֲנִינָא ׇּ כל
הַמְבַקֵּר חוֹלֶה נוֹטֵל אֶחָד
יִם ּּׁׁ שִ מִש בְּצַעֲרוֹ אָמְרִי לֵיהּ אִם
כֵּן לִיעַלּוּן שִׁיתִּין וְלוֹקְמוּהּ אֲמַר
לֵיהּ וּרְיָיתָא ּּׂׂ כְּעִיש דְּבֵי רַבִּי…
תַּנְיָא נָמֵי הָכִי: הַנִּכְנָס לְבַקֵּר
אֶת הַחוֹלֶה, לֹא יֵשֵׁב לֹא עַל
גַּבֵּי מִטָּה וְלֹא עַל גַּבֵּי סַפְסָל
וְלֹא עַל גַּבֵּי כִּסֵּא, אֶלָּא מִתְעַטֵּף
וְיוֹשֵׁב עַל גַּבֵּי קַרְקַע, מִפְּנֵי
כְִינָה ּּׁׁ שֶׁהַש שְׁרוּיָה לְמַעְלָה
מִמִּטָּתוֹ שֶׁל חוֹלֶה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר:
״ה׳ יִסְעָדֶנּוּ עַל עֶרֶשׂ דְּוָי״
Rav Aḥa bar Ḥanina said: Anyone who visits an ill person takes from him one-sixtieth of his suffering. The Sages said to him: If so, let sixty people enter to visit him, and stand him up, and restore him to health. Rav Aḥa bar Ḥanina said to them: It is like the tenths of the school of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi, [i.e. each person relieves 1/60th of what is left after the previous person]…
It is also taught: One who enters to visit a sick person may neither sit on the bed nor sit on a bench or on a chair that is higher than the bed upon which the sick person is lying. Rather, they wraps themself and sit on the ground, because the Divine Presence is resting above the bed of the sick person, as it is stated: “The Lord will support him upon the bed of suffering,” (and it is inappropriate for one to sit above the place where the Divine Presence rests.)
Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah, 335, 15th c. Spain, with a gloss from 16th c. Poland
סעיף א: מצוה לבקר חולים. הקרובים
והחברים נכנסים מיד; והרחוקים, אחר ג’
ימים. ואם קפץ עליו החולי, אלו ואלו נכנסים
מיד
סעיף ג: המבקר את החולה לא ישב ע”ג
מטה ולא ע”ג כסא ולא ע”ג ספסל, אלא
מתעטף ויושב לפניו, שהשכינה למעלה
מראשותיו. הגה: ודוקא כשהחולה שוכב על
הארץ, דהיושב גבוה ממנו, אבל כששוכב על
המטה מותר לישב על כסא וספסל
סעיף ד: אין מבקרין החולה בג’ שעות
ראשונות של יום, מפני שכל חולה מיקל
עליו חליו בבקר, ולא יחוש לבקש עליו
רחמים. ולא בג’ שעות אחרונות של יום, שאז
מכביד עליו חליו ויתייאש מלבקש עליו
רחמים. וכל שביקר ולא ביקש עליו רחמים,
לא קיים המצוה
סעיף ה: כשמבקש עליו רחמים, אם מבקש
לפניו, יכול לבקש בכל לשון שירצה. ואם
מבקש שלא בפניו, לא יבקש אלא בלשון
הקדש
סעיף ו: יכלול אותו בתוך חולי ישראל
שיאמר: המקום ירחם עליך בתוך חולי
ישראל. ובשבת אומר: שבת היא מלזעוק, ה
ורפואה קרובה לב
סעיף ח: אין מבקרין לא לחולי מעים ולא
לחולי העין ז ולא לחולי הראש. וכן כל חולי
דתקיף ליה עלמא וקשה ליה דיבורא אין
מבקרין אותו בפניו, אלא נכנסין בבית
החיצון ושואלין ודורשין בו אם צריכין לכבד
ולרבץ לפניו, וכיוצא בו, ושומעין צערו
ומבקשים עליו רחמים.
(1)It is a religious obligation to visit the sick. Relatives and close friends may visit immediately and others after three days. But if he (the sick) is gravely ill, all may visit immediately.
(3) The visitor should not sit on the bed, nor on a chair nor on a bench but rather wrap himself and sit before him because the Divine Presence rests above his head. Isserles: Especially if the sick person is lying on the ground because the one sitting would be higher then him but if he is laying on a bed it is permitted to sit on a chair or bench….
(4) We do not visit a sick person during the first three hours of the day because the illness is less pronounced in the morning and one might be tempted not to pray for him; nor during the last three hours of the day because the illness is more severe than and one might despair of praying for Mercy. And anyone who visits the sick and doesn’t pray for him has not fulfilled the mitzvah.
(5) When one prays for mercy for the patient, if one is doing so in the patient’s presence, one may pray in any language he desires, but if this is not in the patient’s presence, one must only pray in Hebrew.
(6) [When one prays for the sick person] one should include in the prayer a request on behalf of all of the ill among the Jewish people, saying, “May the One have mercy upon you among the people of Israel,” and on Shabbat, one should say, “It is Shabbat and we don’t cry out on Shabbat, but healing is near at hand.”…
(8) We don’t visit patients with intestinal maladies, nor eye disorders, nor head disorders, nor those who have difficulty speaking. We don’t visit in these patients’ presence, rather, we enter the vestibule of their house and ask after their welfare, inquiring whether they need anything in particular, and we listen to learn about their suffering, and we pray for the patient.
The Amen Effect, Rabbi Sharon Brous, Contemporary, US
The only way we can serve each other is by showing up, not fortifi ed and invulnerable, but in our frailty and fragility. The only way to enter the room, or the Courtyard, is to embrace our own vulnerability, to recognize that we’re not over and above the network of dependency and care, we are very much a part of it…
Consider the great power imbalance of visiting the sick: the visitor is healthy; the sick person is unwell. The visitor stands; the sick person is often lying down. So much agency is taken away from us when we’re unwell, and that lack of agency is compounded by every visitor who fails to knock, by every medical practitioner who neglects to introduce themselves, by the concealment of information and the conspiracy of silence that hovers around a sickbed. The vulnerable healer can empathize and will instinctively move to address the power imbalance by taking simple steps, like knocking before entering the hospital room. Asking for permission. And, if possible and welcome, bringing over a chair and sitting down so that the two meet on the same level. (111-113)
Accompanying the Deceased
Question to Consider:
- Have you gotten to do this mitzvah? Have you been on the receiving end? What was it like? Dos & don’ts?
- According to each text, why is this mitzvah important? What are the values that guide how to practice this mitzvah? What does it look like to actually do this mitzvah?
- If you were writing the mitzvah, what would you add/change?
Mishneh Torah, Mourning 4:1, Maimonodes, 12th c., North Africa
מִנְּהַג יִשְׂרָאֵל בְּמֵתִים וּבִקְבוּרָה כָּךְ הוּא.
מְאַמְּצִין עֵינָיו שֶׁל מֵת. וְאִם נִפְתַּח פִּיו
קוֹשְׁרִין אֶת לְחָיָיו. וּפוֹקְקִין אֶת נְקָבָיו
אַחַר שֶׁמְּדִיחִין אוֹתוֹ. וְסָכִין אוֹתוֹ בְּמִינֵי
בְּשָׂמִים. וְגוֹזְזִין שְׂעָרוֹ. וּמַלְבִּישִׁין אוֹתוֹ
תַּכְרִיכִין תְּפוּרִין בְּחוּט שֶׁל פִּשְׁתָּן
לְבָנִים. וְלֹא יִהְיוּ דְּמֵיהֶן יְקָרִים. וְנָהֲגוּ
חֲכָמִים בְּסוּדָר שְׁוֵה זוּז שֶׁלֹּא לְבַיֵּשׁ אֶת
מִי שֶׁאֵין לוֹ. וּמְכַסִּין פְּנֵי הַמֵּת שֶׁלֹּא
לְבַיֵּשׁ אֶת הָעֲנִיִּים שֶׁפְּנֵיהֶם מֻשְׁחָרִין
בָּרָעָב
These are the customs observed by the Jewish people with regard to corpses and burial. We close the eyes of the deceased. If one’s mouth hangs open, we tie the jaw closed. After washing the corpse, we stuff closed the orifices, anoint it with different fragrances, cut its hair, and dress it in shrouds of white linen which are not expensive. Our Sages followed the custom of using a cloak worth a zuz, so as not to embarrass a person who lacks resources. We cover the faces of the deceased so as not to embarrass the poor whose faces turned black because of hunger.
Shulchan Arukh, Yoreh De’ah 343:1, Yosef Karo, 16th c. Italy & Turkey
:מת בעיר כל בני העיר
אסורין במלאכה שכל
הרואה מת ואינו מלווהו עד
שיהא לו כל צרכו בר נידוי
הוא ואם יש חבורות בעיר
שכל אחת מתעסקת במתים
ביומה מותר ביום שאינה
יומה בד”א שלא בשעת
הוצאתו אבל בשעת
הוצאתו הכל בטלים
כדלקמן
[As long as there is] a dead person in town [awaiting burial] all the townspeople are forbidden [to engage] in work. And whosoever sees a corpse and does not attend to all its [burial] needs, is subject to be placed under a ban. However, if there are associations in town, each one of which attends to [the burial needs of] the dead on its [particular] day, it is permissible [for the others who are not required to attend to the burial needs, to engage in work] on the day which is not [appointed] for it [the association]. This applies only to the time when the [funeral] escort was not yet held, but during the [funeral] escort all must abstain from [work] as will be explained infra.
Babylonian Talmud, Moed Katan 27a:2, 2-7th c.
תנו רבנן בראשונה היו משקין
בבית האבל עשירים בזכוכית
לבנה ועניים בזכוכית צבועה והיו
עניים מתביישין התקינו שיהו
הכל משקין בזכוכית צבועה מפניכבודן של עניים…בראשונה היתה
הוצאת המת קשה לקרוביו יותר
ממיתתו עד שהיו קרוביו מניחין
אותו ובורחין עד שבא רבן גמליאל
ונהג קלות ראש בעצמו ויצא בכלי
פשתן ונהגו העם אחריו לצאת
בכלי פשתן אמר רב פפא והאידנא
נהוג עלמא אפילו בצרדא בר זוזא
Our Rabbis taught: Formerly, they would serve drinks in a house of mourning, the rich in white glass vessels and the poor in colored glass, and the poor felt shamed: they instituted therefore that all should serve drinks in colored glass, out of deference to the poor…Formerly the [expense of] taking the dead out [to burial] fell harder on the near-of-kin than the death so that the dead’s near-of-kin abandoned [the body] and fled, until at last Rabban Gamliel came [forward] and, disregarding his own dignity, came out [to his burial] in flaxen vestments and thereafter the people followed his lead to come out [to burial] in fl axen vestments. Said R. Papa. And nowadays all the world follows the practice of [coming out] even in a paltry [shroud] that costs but a zuz.
Jewish Encyclopedia, US, 1906
There is hardly a congregation of Jews in the world without an association specially organized for the following purposes: to conduct the burial service without charge; to be present at the death of a member; to watch over the corpse, to cleanse and shroud it, and to accompany it with funeral procession; and to bury the body with religious ceremonies. The members are called (“mit’asḳim” = attendants, undertakers; (M. Ḳ. 24b). The society is known as (“holy association”), also as (“society for mutual benevolence”), or (“of true mutual benevolence”), derived from the last words of Jacob to Joseph: “I pray thee . . . deal kindly and truly [] . . . and bury me,” etc. (Gen. xlvii. 29, 30).
Anecdotes from the Amen Effect, Rabbi Sharon Brous, Contemporary, US
Content Warning: heads up: these texts discuss the death of children
“I was only a few feet away when a woman entered the house, looked around for a moment, and then made her way to Joanne. She crouched by her side and took her hands in her own. ‘You don’t know me,’ she said. ‘I read about what happened to your daughter in the paper. My daughter died three years ago. I just really wanted to be here with you.’ I watched as Joanne turned toward this stranger, threw her arms around her neck, and burst into tears. The two women held one another and the whole room – witnessing this fellowship of suffering– fell into a reverent silence. I remember thinking that one day Joanne and her husband, Andy, would take up the solemn and sacred duty of showing up at houses of mourning, meeting other people’s grief with their own.” (114-115)
“Years after the crash, Colin shared a detail from that first terrible night… The pediatric ICU doctor, who stood by their side when they said goodbye to Hart that night, when they let go of their boy’s body, took them into a private room and sat down by their side. ‘Tell me about your children,’ she said… Colin explains, even in my shock and anguish, I knew how kind and smart that question was. It gave us a moment of purpose in our darkest hour. It gave us a loving task that honored Hart and Ruby and reminded us to think of them as they were when they were alive. Instead of wailing impotently, we got to share some beautiful thoughts about Hart and Ruby to this stranger who wanted to know about them and to honor them” (147)