What’s a little gossip among friends, right?

Leviticus 19:16	ויקרא יט:טז
Do not go about as a tale bearer among your people and don’t stand on the blood of your neighbor, I am Adonai.	לֹא־תֵ לְֵך רָ כִ יל בְּ עַמֶּ יָך לֹא תַ עֲמֹד עַל־דַ ם רֵ עֶָּך אֲנִי יְּהֹוָה׃

• This is the central prohibition against unethical speech in the Torah. What does it mean to be a tale bearer?
• The Hebrew word for gossip is רכילות, which is the same as tale bearer in this text. What do you think constitutes gossip?

The Chafetz Chaim (Rabbi Yisrael Meir Kagan – 19th century) was one of the foremost experts on speech and gossip. He builds on the idea of talebearing, and in this introduction also writes about what happens when you spread negative speech about someone, even if it might be true. So, in this case, it’s not gossip among friends, it’s gossiping about friends.

Chafetz Chaim, Introduction to the Laws of the Prohibition of Lashon Hara and Rechilut, Negative Commandments, vs 1

One who bears tales against a friend transgresses a negative commandment, viz. (Vayikra 19:16): “Do not go talebearing among your people.” What is talebearing? “Loading oneself” with words and going from one to another, saying: “This is what ploni [so and so] said about you”; “This and this is what I heard ploni did to you.” Although what they say may be true, it destroys the world. And there is a sin much greater than this — lashon hara, which is included in this negative commandment. And that is speaking disparagingly of one’s friend, even if what is said is true. But one who speaks falsely [about his friend] is referred to as a “motzi shem ra” [one who spreads an evil report].

• What if any is the difference between sharing a truth that is unkind, and gossiping?
• Does spilling tea make a difference when it’s about a friend?
• Have you had a situation in your life when you found out a friend was saying bad things about you? Are you still friends?

Teaching Jewish Virtues, by Susan Freeman

“In Jewish tradition, there are many instances when certain types of speech are considered Lashon Ha’Ra (evil speech). These include talking about others behind their backs, gossip, slander, and spreading rumors. Other speech transgressions are orally shaming someone in public, cursing God’s name, giving false testimony and making insincere vows.”

• Why do you think that evil speech is so carefully defined?
• Is gossip the same as lying? What about making promises you can’t keep?
• Is gossip really that wrong? How about when we catch up with a friend and spill the tea?

Public embarrassment – it’s a thing

Pirkei Avot 3:11	רקי אבות ג:יא
Rabbi Elazar of Modiin said: one who profanes sacred things, and one who despises the festivals, and one who causes their fellow’s face to blush in public, and one who annuls the covenant of Abraham z’l, and one who is contemptuous towards the Torah, even though they might know the Torah and good deeds, that person does not have a share in the world to come.	ַ בִ י אֶּ לְּעָזָר הַמֹודָ עִ י אֹומֵ ר, הַמְּ חַלֵל אֶּ ת הַקָדָ שִ ים, וְּ הַמְּ בַזֶּה אֶּ ת הַמֹועֲדֹות, וְּ הַמַ לְּבִ ין פְּ נֵי חֲבֵרֹו בָרַ בִ ים, וְּ הַמֵ פֵר בְּ רִ יתֹו שֶּ ל אַ בְּ רָ הָם אָ בִ ינּו עָלָיו הַשָ לֹום, וְּ הַמְּ גַלֶּה פָנִים בַּתֹורָ ה שֶּ לֹא כַהֲלָכָה, אַ ף עַל פִ י שֶּ יֵש בְּ יָדֹו תֹורָ ה ּומַ עֲשִ ים טֹובִ ים, אֵ ין לֹו חֵלֶּק :לָעֹולָם הַבָא

• What do you think of the phrase, one who causes their fellow’s face to blush in public? What does that connote for you?
• Can gossip and random words really hurt someone or something?
• Why do you think that the concept of idle speech is mentioned throughout our ancient texts?
• Shaming someone publicly at work – you experienced it? Seen it? Is there a role for it? How can you avoid it?

Koach HaDibbur – The Power of Speech
When we choose our words carefully, we ensure that our language is used in a positive and productive way

Proverbs 16:24	משלי טז:כד
Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweet to the palate and a cure for the body.	צּוף־דְּ בַש אִ מְּ רֵ י־נֹעַם מָ תֹוק לַנֶּפֶּש ּומַ רְּ פֵא לָעָצֶּם׃

• Taking tea in a positive direction… what do compliments and nice words do for us?
• How do you feel when someone at work praises you? When a friend tells you something nice?
• How do you use your words for good?

Other Thoughts:

• What three people know is no secret. (Yiddish folk saying)
• What Paul says about Peter tells us more about Paul than about Peter. (Baruch Spinoza)
• It takes your enemy and your friend, working together to hurt you to the quick; the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you. (Mark Twain)
• When does Jewish law permit passing on negative information about another? When the person to whom you are speaking needs it. (Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, The Book of Jewish Virtues)