Embarking Together: Meet Hannah Maia and Kaushik!
After living in China for 7 years, if a person told me I would be in a relationship with someone from my hometown, I would have laughed at them. But the last laugh would have been on me. I met Kaushik in Hyderabad, India at his cousin’s (my best friend’s) wedding…only to learn that we are both from Ellicott, Maryland. Yes, we had to go halfway around the world to find someone who grew up 10 minutes down the road — truly the stuff of a Tollywood Movie (like Bollywood, but Telugu.)
Kaushik and I were randomly assigned as dance partners in the Sangeet, an event leading up to the wedding ceremony. I have ten years of formal dance training; he claims he doesn’t know how to move his hips, so we were an unlikely pairing —in more ways than one. But upon our return to the US in January 2024, it was clear something was there that we could not ignore. Despite the factors stacked against us – such as his parents’ desire for an Indian partner and my desire to avoid yet another long-distance relationship – we decided to give it a try.
Two years later, we are preparing for our future lifetime together.
I grew up in a interfaith household, regaled with my parents’ love story: one filled with the adversity of familial disapproval and the triumph of a deep love and commitment that led them to the chuppah. In 1978, they joined the roughly 18% of Jews who married a non-Jewish partner before 1980. (Today, around 70% of non-orthodox American Jews are in multifaith/multicultural relationships, according to PEW research.)
So when Kaushik and I started to discuss how we would merge my Jewish – Christian – American identity (added bonus, I still speak Chinese and celebrate the cultural holidays!) with his Hindu – South Indian – American immigrant identity, I felt like I had a solid place to start… but we could always use some extra support, and that’s where Embark came in.
Jewish communal life is no longer just centered around the shul and Embark reflects this. Our Embark cohort grew out of Base Andersonville – a pluralistic, home-based Jewish space led by a rabbi and their partner.
Base and Embark provided an important opportunity: access to a rabbi, in a non-judgmental space, to ask the questions that many of us, Jews and non-Jews alike, are often afraid to ask. From Christmas trees and circumcision to dim sum and ketubahs, we hashed out some of the beautiful and complicated parts of Jewish tradition, found ways to connect with each other across cultures, and supported each other through the sometimes-difficult parts of intercultural relationships.
During the cohort, Kaushik and I were struggling with how to tell his parents about our relationship. In many Asian cultures, parents are not informed of serious relationships until the couple is ready to marry, and Kaushik was concerned that, despite the fact his parents have lived in the US for 25 years, they might not be accepting of our relationship. We were able to process this with four other couples during Embark’s Shabbat retreat who, while maybe not going through the same thing, could deeply empathize with our experience.
Rav Jonathan Posner, who led the cohort, was also able to council us through some complex emotions while we immersed ourselves in each other’s cultures. Part of the Embark model is that each couple has two coffee sessions privately with the rabbi, and these turned out to be one of the most valuable parts of the experience.
And spoiler alert: it all went fine, and Kaushik’s parents are very excited for what the future holds!
A year later, the impact of the Embark cohort is still being felt. We have gathered for Shabbat 3 times, we check in about who is doing what for the Chagim (holidays), we support each other at races and art shows, and we continue to connect on both the challenges and successes in our relationships.
All the couples have all been back to Base many times, and while some of us were going before Embark, many were not. Kaushik has developed a deep love of Shabbat, and often is the one encouraging us to do it more at home. I, conversely, am always reminding him when holidays on the Hindu calendar are coming up. It’s called balance.
As someone who grew up interfaith, my Jewish identity always felt like it was viewed as “in spite of” my father’s religious beliefs, and never because of the deep understanding and respect he had of Judaism, which allowed me to explore my Judaism more deeply. It took years for me to shake that anxiety of being “lesser than” and feel proud of the messiness around my identity.
I want to live in a world where my children will never have to feel that way, where they feel comfortable in their Jewish/Hindu/Indian/American identities and don’t feel like they are missing something because they are not “fully” Jewish. I want to live in a world that has Jewish communities that are fully accepting of our choice to create a multifaith/multicultural home, and see that as adding to the tapestry of Jewish life.
Embark is moving the needle on this, not only by providing tools to participate in community and build those homes, but also by creating the space for us to learn and grow as individuals, as couples, and as a wider Jewish community. I know it will be an important building block as we construct the world I want to live in — and I am glad I get to be a part of an organization that is doing that building.