My first memories of Tisha b’Av were from summer camp. The entire camp spiraled into a hall filled with candles chanting from Psalm 137, “By the waters of Babylon, we lay down and wept, and wept for thee Zion…” For those that chose to fast on Tisha b’Av, they were invited to a special break-the-fast meal at the director’s home, a very big deal. Though I might not have fully understood the holiday, these performative rituals elevated it to a very high standing.  

It is said that Tisha b’Av is a somber time as we remember the 7 historical events that were said to have happened on the 9^th of Av throughout history. Calamitous events in our collective Jewish history such as the destruction of the Holy Temples, exile, banishment, world wars, etc. 

Decades after my summer camp introduction to Tisha b’Av, I still remember the ritual, but my relationship with Tisha b’Av is more complex. One the one hand, I mourn for all the horrible, tragic events that have happened, and are still happening throughout our history. But, with so much of this holiday focused on mourning and praying for the Holy Temple, I sometimes find myself struggling. If the Holy Temple were still standing, would there be a role for women in Jewish leadership? A space for the LGBTQ+ community? Opportunities for non-Orthodox Jews to pray in the way that moves them? A strong community both inside and outside of Israel?  

These questions take us back to ritual. Without all the answers, what are modern ways that we can connect with both tragedy and growth as a people? How can we create modern day rituals of remembrance that allow us to engage with the nuances of Tisha b’Av? At a time when so many days in our current Jewish reality seem to hold tragic events, what is the balance between mourning and living?